


I Wanna Be Somebody To Someone

by smallchittaphon



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:47:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallchittaphon/pseuds/smallchittaphon
Summary: He pushes the fourth door open and he's hit with the stench of puke, Sicheng's head in a trash bin absolutely puking his guts out and he frowns. "Sicheng?"He fails to acknowledge the other person in the room until they speak, "Dons?" His body reacts before he can even think. He thinks he's going to be the one puking soon. There, sitting on the bed soothing Sicheng's back as he's sick, is Yuta.
Relationships: Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 17
Kudos: 202
Collections: WIP OLYMPICS: WINTER 2019/20





	I Wanna Be Somebody To Someone

**Author's Note:**

> \-- thank you mishel for betaing this ,,,,,,  
> \-- [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2QzO7UCEIR4yVvBsyTHeRX?si=0e8MPfUaSFSFmLiKTE3x3g)  
> — this is for doyu fest round 2 (pls i hope mods are ok;;;)

Dongyoung’s house is still when the first pebble hits his window a quarter past ten. The impact is soft and another follows, he can hear both of them roll down the glass and the soft patter that follows as they roll down the roof— he closes his eyes before he finally gets up. There’s a soft rapping of knuckles against the window, urgent but rhythmic, familiar, and when he draws the curtain back, Yuta smiles at him. Dongyoung pulls on the lock harshly before the sashes swing out, only missing Yuta by an inch as he slides back on the eaves of the roof to beckon Dongyoung out with him. He leans out the window, “Nerves?” He breathlessly huffs while crawling out to join him. 

Yuta shrugs, his hair getting caught in the wind when he turns. It’s shaggier now, long enough to cover his eyes and all the girls go crazy over it. Dongyoung doesn’t get it but maybe that’s why Yuta hasn’t cut it since the sixth grade when Taeyeon, the coolest girl in school with a reputation that preceded her, had off-handedly told him it looked good in the lunchline. Dongyoung moves to tuck it behind Yuta’s ear, “I don’t _get_ nervous, Dons. You know this.” Yuta laughs. Dongyoung knows that’s a fucking lie, Yuta wouldn’t be on the roof with him now if he wasn’t nervous. Both of them know soccer team tryouts are tomorrow and Yuta’s only been talking about trying out for the team the moment he could for a year. Dongyoung remembers the day like it was just yesterday— they stood in front of the sign-up sheet as sixth graders, ‘ _seventh and eighth graders only_ ’ and Yuta snickered. He’s had a gleam in his eye as he said, “They’re missing out.” 

Dongyoung tugged his backpack strap higher before he walked back down the hall, “You’re cocky.” But all summer, Dongyoung spent every day down by the creek at the makeshift ‘ _mini field_ ’ Yuta poorly drew with some leftover paint he stole from his dad’s shed. He’s not versed in sports at all being a more musical guy himself but Yuta can’t say he’s never stuck his neck out for him when Dongyoung spent a whole week learning the basics so Yuta can practice properly. His breath had left him as he jumped into the creek before heading home, washing off his sweat that’s mixed with muck and he looked at Yuta sitting by the edge of the water. “I think you’ll make it. You’re the best talent I’ve seen.” It’s a genuine statement. 

And Yuta had beamed. “You’re my best friend, you have to say that cheesy shit Dons.” Dongyoung frowned, moving to splash water on his face and the tension in Yuta’s body dissolved. School starts up fast and tryouts come faster. Dongyoung can see the way Yuta’s frowning, curling into himself before he scoots closer. “I still stand by my word,” He picks at the roofing, toes curling at the sentimental feeling coursing through, “You’re going to knock ‘em dead.” 

Yuta shakes his head, his nose scrunching in embarrassment. The moment is broken. “You talk like an old man.” He chuckles and Dongyoung pushes him.

“It’s a gift, that’s why I’m single.” Dongyoung shrugs as he tosses his arms up. He swallows, another self-deprecating joke lodged in his throat but dropped when Yuta gives him a look. “I’ve told you to stop making jokes like that.” Dongyoung stopped counting the number of times he’s made a joke about his lackluster love life in comparison to Yuta’s only for it to blow up in his face. It usually ends with Yuta assuring him he’ll get a girl… eventually. But Dongyoung thinks Yuta can’t say anything when it seems like every other day someone is pulling Yuta aside to confess to him since the fourth grade. Yuta’s so blessed to have grown into his looks at an early age. 

Dongyoung drops it, the tensions in the air and Yuta’s mood dimming after the joke makes it almost unbearable to sit in silence. Yuta sits up, “I think I should call it a night.” He stands up, making his way over the ledge and Dongyoung scoots down to catch his wrist. Yuta stares at him, lips parting like he wants to say something but Dongyoung speaks up. “I’ll be in the stands during tryouts. If you’re feeling anxious just remember I’ll be there, look for me. Okay?” 

Yuta’s chest rising and falling, his hair whipping in the wind and Dongyoung pushes himself up, dropping Yuta’s wrist as he tucks his hair behind his ear like it’s a reflex. Yuta’s gaze following his every movement and it feels weird, his stomach fuzzy as Yuta’s arms wrap around his waist. It’s not a hug, he’s hugged Yuta a million times— this is different. Yuta’s nose knocks against Dongyoung’s as he leans forward and their lips slot together clumsily. Dongyoung has never kissed anyone before and he knows Yuta hasn’t because he would’ve never shut up about it so it’s awkward— he doesn’t know where to put his hands and he panics briefly before sliding them down to curl them around Yuta’s biceps. He doesn’t know what he’s doing but he’s doing something, their lips sliding together to wet and warm and the feeling in the pit of his stomach is telling him he likes it… a lot. 

Yuta’s hand curls and fists the back of Dongyoung’s shirt, their mouths parting before Yuta teases with his tongue and draws the softest noise from Dongyoung he didn’t know he could make. Of course, Yuta’s a naturally good kisser. How unfair. Yuta kisses him closed-mouthed once more before parting, panting, his breath fanning over Dongyoung chin. Just as fast as Yuta invades his space, he retracts himself. “Sorry,” He brushes the hair out of his face, “I-- I don’t know what--”

Dongyoung’s just had his first kiss and it’d suck if he gets an apology for it. “It’s fine.” He cuts Yuta’s off. Yuta studies him and he waves him off, licking his own lips— feeling slick and swollen. “Nerves or whatever.” He chuckles lightly and Yuta drops his gaze, nodding before looking back up and his gaze has weakened. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Dons.” He whispers as he starts to descend down the side of the house, climbing down a bit before he jumps the rest of the way down. Dongyoung rolls his eyes and Yuta smiles up, “If you’re not in the stands when I look over, I’m kicking your ass.” 

Dongyoung relaxes, “I’d like to see you try. I’m on a winning streak.”

( _Dongyoung perches himself on the highest bleacher, a book in hand as he tries to get most of his reading done while he waits for tryouts to start. Yuta runs in, hair tied back and Dongyoung can see the gathering of a couple of girls towards the fence as they watch him. He looks happy just to be on the field and Dongyoung’s stomach flip flops— he pushes his nose into the book to hide his rosy cheeks and only pulls it down when Yuta waves at him during their break. He’ll blame the chilly air for the rosy cheeks._

_Yuta makes the team, no chance he wouldn’t have. Dongyoung reminds him that much when Yuta gets the news on Friday morning. He’s glowing, “We’ve gotta go to Rocket’s to celebrate tonight. Burgers on me?” And Dongyoung laughs. “Okay.”_

_They fall back into the groove of things, Yuta being on the soccer team and Dongyoung joining the choir. They don’t talk about the kiss and Dongyoung pushes that flip-floppy feeling down until it’s nothing but a remnant of a memory._ )

-

Tenth grade rolls around fast and Yuta slowly weeds his way out of Dongyoung’s life for better or for worse. Dongyoung doesn’t know which one it is and he wouldn’t tell you if he did. Yuta slowly fades into the background of Dongyoung’s life rather than staying at the forefront of it— instead, Taeyong takes that role. Dongyoung lets him. 

It’s not like Dongyoung doesn’t try to talk to Yuta, it’s just that he’s so unattainable. Yuta is so close, right at his fingertips but slips through his grasp. Yuta is the talk of their town by then, he’d lead them to state championships for three years in a row and hopefully a fourth if the soccer team plays its cards right. He’s made the varsity captain after Jongin graduates and has proven himself thus far to be a great one, almost legendary they say, this season. “With Johnny as the co-captain, I don’t see how they _wouldn’t_ win at nationals this year,” Taeyong says through a mouth full of cheese sticks. 

Dongyoung turns back around from looking at the football team making a fuss at their table, ignoring the way his stomach flip flops when he catches sight of Yuta— hair impossibly long now and always tied so effortlessly in a way that it looks good. Only on Yuta. His throat closes when he sees Johnny tucking a strand behind his ear like Dongoyung always had. _Had_.

“I hope so,” Dongyoung pokes at his tater tots, chewing the inside of his cheek in thought before stuffing a tot in his mouth. Dongyoung is not quite sad about the turn of events though. Childhood best friends sometimes just stay that, in your childhood and that’s okay, he reassures himself. Yuta’s got a lot of people depending on him not only for soccer but now the football team’s success this season. Dongyoung has the orchestra’s winter concert to worry about and maybe it’s for the best. Taeyong’s always telling him how weird it seems that he _was_ close to Yuta when “He’s so... Yuta, ya know?”

He knows.

Dongyoung is pulled out of his thoughts when the cheerleaders burst through the lunchroom doors, faces painted and energy up. _Homecoming_ — he forgot about homecoming. Dongyoung watches them do their routine before they ascend on the football players for support, colorful beads in hand and he watches as co-captain of the cheer squad, Wendy, puts one on Johnny and then Yuta, a gentle kiss pressed to his cheek, Yuta flushed red and Dongyoung’s gaze drops. 

“Are we still going to the game?” Taeyong asks, “I got the car today if you wanted to still go. We can go to Rocket’s before the game.” 

Dongyoung swallows hard, stabbing his tots a little too harshly that they fall apart. “Yeah, I’m still down to go.” He takes a bite of his tot, “Wouldn’t want to miss out on the all-american high school experience right?”

-

They win the homecoming game. No surprise there.

Something about the adrenaline you feel the crowd give off at games is a feeling Dongyoung can’t shake off. It works him up just as much and he never wants to lose that feeling. Dongyoung doesn’t get a chance to congratulate Yuta on the victory because the crowd ascends to chaos as they all hurry down to the field in celebration with the team. He sits in the stands a little while longer with Taeyong, watching as they cheer and take turns holding up the different members. He can make out number twenty-six, _Nakamoto_ on the jersey before they’re hoisting Yuta up and onto their shoulders. He smiles as Yuta throws his head back in laughter, he looks happy and it’s a well-deserved win. 

Taeyong stands up the moment the crowd sets Yuta down, “Ready to go?” 

Dongyoung smiles, “Yeah.”

-

Dongyoung gets home closer to midnight than not, an hour or two after the game and he knows his parents won’t chew him out over it since he’s with Taeyong. Taeyong pulls up to the curb, “See ya later.” He shouts as Dongyoung shuts the door, jogging up the driveway before he hears a pebble hit the concrete. His heart drops, his smile dropping and he can hear the blood rushing in his ear. It can’t be, he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. No way would Yuta be on his roof like old times, no way, especially not after a big win like tonight. But another pebble drops down. Then two more.

He looks up expecting to see a squirrel scurrying past but is greeted by a tired-looking Yuta, out of his uniform and in his sweats, perched by his window looking down at him. Dongyoung can’t read his expression and he swallows hard. He cracks his knuckles nervously as he hurries to the front door. Donghyun greets him from the couch as he takes the stairs two steps at a time and his mother lingers by her bedroom door. “Glad you got home safe. Was it fun?” 

“Yeah, we won.” He huffs, faking a yawn so she can let him through. “Think I’m gonna call it a night.” He says and she nods as he hurries down the hall to his room nestled at the end. He pushes it open, closing it softly behind him before he’s kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his jacket haphazardly so he can go open the window. The cold air nips at his cheeks tenderly as his throat closes.

Yuta looks up at him tiredly, “Congrats.” Dongyoung hears himself say. It sounds weak and so out of character but Yuta smiles softly, “Thanks.” Dongyoung pushes the windows open, watching as Yuta stands to make his way over. They’ve done this a million times, Yuta climbing into his room through the window but it feels so alien now. Yuta doesn’t seem to fit into Dongyoung’s room as easily as he had before but maybe Dongyoung _is_ just reading into it too much. Yuta kicks his shoes off and turns to shut the window but he stays put, doesn’t move towards to bed as he would’ve before, just stays put by Dongyoung’s desk like he’s waiting to be instructed. His lips part, “I’ve missed you Dons.” 

Dongyoung’s breath catches, “I’ve missed you too.”

And Yuta smiles— the ice breaking and melting away. Yuta looks like he belongs again, draping over his bed and Dongyoung joins him. It feels like all the years they’re spent apart fade as they spent hours talking again like they never had and Dongyoung rolls his eyes at the fact that he _still_ has to tell Yuta to keep his voice down only for Donghyun to come in and yell at them. _Just like old times_. 

As his fits of laughter subside, Yuta leans back against the wall. He tucks the ladybug pillow pet Dongyoung had since forever under his chin and Dongyoung watches as the gears in his head work hard. “You going to homecoming tomorrow?” 

Dongyoung shrugs, “I don’t have a reason to. I was going to chill at Taeyong’s but then that new kid, Ten I think, asked him so my plans kinda fell through, ya know?”

Yuta chews on the inside of his cheek and the room falls silent again. Dongyoung picks at the fabric of his comforter. “Are _you_ going?” Of course, he’s going, this is Yuta they’re talking about. Dongyoung would honestly be more surprised if he wasn’t going especially after a win. Yuta shrugs, tugging his hair behind his ears only for it to fall forward again. “Yeah, I’m going with Johnny and Wendy.” He toys with the antenna of the ladybug, “Was hoping you were going so we could hang out and stuff, I guess.”

Dongyoung looks away, “It’s just so last minute for me, ya know since I didn’t ever really plan to attend in the first place.”

“No, I get it.” Yuta smiles when Dongyoung finally meets his gaze again and just like that, the conversation is dropped.

-

“Oh, it’s like three in the morning,” Yuta says, rolling over on his stomach once Johnny texts him. “I told my folks I was crashing at Johnny’s.” He moves to put his shoes on and Dongyoung stays still. He doesn’t want Yuta to go but there he stands by the window, Yuta’s got one foot out as Dongyoung says goodbye. His heart aches a bit, not knowing whether or not Yuta’s going to change and they’ll be back to talking regularly again or if Yuta’s going to flee from him again the moment he’s out the window.

Yuta stops, checking his phone again before looking over the driveway, sizing it up before he unlocks his phone and sends a text. Dongyoung fumbles when Yuta climbs back in, kicking his shoes off and locking the window. Dongyoung doesn’t make the first move but Yuta does, striding towards Dongyoung with purpose and pulling him in till their lips meet. It knocks Donyoung off his axis but this time, they’re experienced enough for it not to be as awkward as their first time. 

Yuta’s definitely gotten better at kissing but it feels so familiar and comforting the way their mouths mold together with ease. Dongyoung comes undone so easily, his toes curling into the rug as Yuta licks into his mouth and it pulls the softest whimper from Dongyoung— his body on fire. It only seems to encourage Yuta, his movements enthusiastic as he backs Dongyoung into the bed and he lets him. Dongyoung lets Yuta push him into the bed and his heart leaps into his throat, his world crashing around him as his mind supplies, ‘ _I love you_ ’. 

‘ _I love you_ ’ and Yuta kisses behind his ear.

‘ _I love you_ ’ and Dongyoung tugs Yuta closer by the front of his shirt.

‘ _I love you_ ’ and Yuta whines into his mouth as they rut against each other desperately.

‘ _I love you_ ’ and it’s for Yuta only. 

“Is it cool if I stay the night?” Yuta whispers into Dongyoung’s skin, his hands working to take off Dongyoung pants. His palm so warm as he works Dongyoung up over his boxers, making him arch into his movements. Dongyoung nods, his mind going haywire because this is so new to him, the feeling of someone else touching him. Yuta leans over him to press a tender kiss to his lips, “I’d like that.” Dongyoung huffs. 

Yuta shoves his hand down Dongyoung’s boxers and god, nothing ever felt this good.

-

The morning isn’t as awkward as Dongyoung had imagined but he does feel exhausted. 

The sun peaks through the open curtains and he blinks his sleep away before sitting up. His body aches and cracks as he moves. Yuta lets out a soft groan into the pillow, rolling over and pulling Dongyoung down for a kiss. He thinks he would’ve been grossed out at the idea of kissing anyone that wasn’t Yuta with morning breath but he allows it just this once. Leaning into it before Yuta is clambering onto this lap and working him up so easily, his palm so warm. ‘ _Aren’t you sore?_ ’ Dongyoung wants to ask but every thought flees him the moment Yuta _sits_ on him. 

It’s so dizzying fucking into your first love as quietly as possible the morning after losing your virginity. Dongyoung makes sure to commit every facial expression, soft whimper and taut muscles under his hands to memory. It goes by far faster than the first time but feels just as good with Yuta holding him close as he comes. 

They don’t talk about it because they never do. Dongyoung thinks this is the longest they’ve gone without talking to each other while being in each other's presence. Dongyoung cleans himself off with a tissue from last night, putting on whatever is closest to him before he’s rushing down the hall to get wipes out of the bathroom. Yuta cleans himself up in no time, Dongyoung watching that slight limp in his leg as he makes his way to the window. He doesn’t say anything doesn’t even look back before he’s leaving and Dongyoung closes the window behind him not knowing where they stand.

-

Despite the fact that Dongyoung’s lost his virginity to his ‘best friend’, he still walks into school with a small pep in his step and excitement bubbling in his chest come Monday as lunch approaches. Dongyoung had allowed himself to sulk on Saturday night before deciding that he wanted to talk to Yuta about it and if Donghyun had noticed anything weird, he didn’t say it. 

A part of Dongyoung hopes Yuta sits with them at lunch but squishes the feeling down when Yuta passes their table without acknowledging them. _That’s fine_. Yuta doesn’t have to say anything to Dongyoung for him to know that it’s best they don’t talk about it at all. He lets his excitement die down as the week trugs on and it dies completely on Wednesday. Wednesday being the only day orchestra stay after school for practice especially as the winter concert sneaks up on them, what he doesn’t expect is to see Yuta here this late. He’s sitting on the bench in the courtyard when he comes into view and Dongyoung thinks now is his chance to talk to him. Dongyoung’s heartbeat picks up as he moves forward but then Wendy comes into view.

He can’t hear what they’re saying but he can sure as hell see the way they lean in— a kiss shared between to people so warmly he can even feel it, almost like he’s intruding on something far too intimate for his likely and he backs back into the hallway and continues on till he’s in Donghyun’s car and they’re on the way home.

Dongyoung decides then that love doesn’t matter and he buries every single thought and feeling for Yuta, of Yuta, into the depths of his mind till he’s numb but not drunk on love. No, never drunk on love.

( _Dongyoung finishes high school with passing colors. Yuta has completely left his life, nothing but tight smiles in the hall and a quick nod after. Graduation sneaks up on all of them and before Dongyoung knows it, he’s outside the stadium, newly graduated and his family praising him with promises of taking him to his favorite place for dinner after. Dongyoung feels accomplished and as his eyes met Yuta over the crowd, he nods, one final nod and Yuta smiles back. ‘Congrats Grad.’ He mouths and Dongyoung smiles back._

 _Everything’s looking up._ )

-

Dongyoung doesn't know how he does it but he makes it out of his first-year semi-beaten but he's made it. He comes out of it with a newly found appreciation for his AP classes and his mother's pumpkin cookies she sends over every month in her care package. They don't last long between him and Taeyong. He gets blackout drunk the night after his last final exam of the year and wakes up wedged between Taeyong and his boyfriend, Taeil. Feeling on top of the world but also feeling shitty and he’s made it through.

His second year comes faster than anyone would’ve liked for it too. Taeyong moves in with Taeil before the semester starts and that leaves Dongyoung hoping his new roommate isn't weird. "You're exaggerating." Taeyong scolds him, helping him settle into his dorm again and Sicheng walks in. "Oh! Dongyoung?"

Dongyoung sighs in relief. He's had a couple of his classes with Sicheng first semester, "Yeah." Taeyong perks up, moving to descend upon Sicheng and when he leaves, Dongyoung can see the adoration in his eyes. _Gross_. But the semester trugs on and Dongyoung is making it through on mayo-ketchup-bologna sandwiches and ginger ale. By the end of the semester, the smell of ketchup alone makes him curl into himself.

Dongyoung doesn't _have_ time to dwindle on Yuta, how he’s been and what could’ve been but he thinks maybe it's for the best. He doesn't even know what college Yuta's gone to, no doubt on a scholarship if he _had_ gone, but it doesn't matter now. It’s been years and it’s far too late to dwindle. Dongyoung stayed relatively close to home, an hour away to be exact but even then, he doesn't get the chance to frequent home. Those care packages his mom sends to him and Donghyun make his week sometimes, filled to the brim with snacks and goodies that make him hold on just a bit longer until the next one comes in. He crashes more often than not at Taeyong's place seeing as it's closer to his classes and just easier to get to when he's tired. Taeyong and Taeil let him out of the kindness of their hearts, feeding him something other than a sandwich and some days, they'll pull him in bed with them— they _do_ talk about it but it's nothing, just a helping hand for their fantasies and Dongyoung's stress relief.

Christmas is coming around and the news breaks that Yuta will be in town when he is. Dongyoung starts to think maybe he shouldn’t go home but his mom makes some promises of his favorite foods and that's enough for him to decide that he'll go. Taeyong comes over the night before his final exam, balsamic chicken and rice tucked under his arm and Dongyoung nearly cries at the sight of it. "You'll be fine, Doie. You're the smartest guy I know."

Dongyoung sighs, "I'm still beating myself over it. I want to pass." He grumbles around a mouthful as they sit at his desk and Taeyong smiles, using his thumb to wipe Dongyoung's upper lip. It’s so weird how a switch flips in him fast, his stomach tingling and _oh my god_ , is he horny? Taeyong pulls away sticking his thumb in his mouth and not thinking much of it while Dongyoung grows hard. He squirms, deflating in his seat as Taeyong watches him— Taeyong is his best friend and it's not like they _haven't_ fucked before. 

It’s like Taeyong can tell as he wipes his palm down his shirt, standing up to pull Dongyoung up with him. He pulls the curtain separating the room closed and pushes Dongyoung down on the bed. 

"You know I came over for a reason." Taeyong climbs over him, pulling out his phone and dials Taeil's number. Taeil’s voice comes clear through the receiver, “Are you with Dongyoung?” Taeyong’s smile is wicked and he leans in to kiss Dongyoung so sweetly, "I think I'd be hot if we fucked and Taeil heard." _It's been a while_ , Dongyoung thinks. Maybe three months since they've fooled around. He could use some stress relief.

Dongyoung huffs, "Okay."

-

"Remember Johnny from high school?" Taeyong asks as he's dressing himself and Dongyoung hums. He vaguely remembers Johnny, not interacting with him much but he was apart of Yuta's crowd back then. "Vaguely," He says. "Why do you ask?"

Taeyong smoothes over his hair, "His fraternity is having a party on Friday when the semester officially ends and I know you're not going back home till Sunday. We should go." Dongyoung can already feel himself shaking his head. "I'm not going to a frat party." Taeyong pouts as the curtain pulls back, Sicheng sticking his head in.

"A party?" Sicheng looks over at Dongyoung, "Take me." Taeyong smiles, "Yeah, take him. Let our baby have fun." Sicheng smiles at that.

Dongyoung groans, throwing his head back on the bed in exasperation but a couple of days later, he finds himself walking next to Sicheng as they make their way to the frat house. The first snow of the year is starting to stick on the ground and Dongyoung ultimately regrets caving into Taeyong and Sicheng's whims. It's far too cold and damp for his liking but the music is getting louder, the lights brighter as the frat house comes into view. He can make out a ' _sexy_ ' Santa perched on the porch swapping sip with an elf and he groans annoyedly. _Should've stayed home_.

The blast of heat lodges itself in Dongyoung's throat as they walk into the house, dizzying, Christmas decorations poorly covering every inch of the walls and he spots Taeyong and Taeil hanging around the kitchen. Sicheng pulls him through the crowd with ease, finding a cup in his hand the moment he's walking up to the couple. Sicheng knocks it back fast, eyeing the cup in Dongyoung’s hand until he gives it up. "Thanks," he mumbles over the rim of it before wandering off who knows where with the couple’s eyes trailing him. Taeyong leans into Taeil’s side, his cheeks rosy from the alcohol no doubt. “God, I want to eat him.” He sighs wistfully as Taeil’s hand rubs his side.

“You wouldn’t mind would you, Doie?” Taeil asks and he knows what he’s asking, “It’s chill.” Dongyoung assures Taeil just as someone starts to barf loudly on the linoleum behind the makeshift bar tucked into the corner. _Gross_.

Dongyoung turns to Taeil and Taeyong. "I hate this." 

-

Dongyoung deems it a good time to call it a night at two but the only problem is actually finding Sicheng. The party is still in full swing and Dongyoung can see Johnny in the mix of it all. His hair is longer than he remembers but he still looks the same. The shocked look on Johnny's face makes Dongyoung's stomach drops and he feels himself being tugged towards the middle. Johnny's definitely gotten taller though. "Dongyoung? I didn't know you'd be here!"

Dongyoung shrugs, the laugh leaving his lips is so stiff and awkward. "Yeah. Was wondering if you know someone named Sicheng or have seen him?"

Johnny frowns. "Your boyfriend?"

"No," Dongyoung shakes his head, "My roommate. Just trying to find him so we can leave."

"Oh, I think I know who that is." Johnny pulls Dongyoung through the crowd and down the hall towards the stairs, "The guys on the team are always talking about him. If he's anywhere, he'll be upstairs. Just get ready to see anything." He huffs, patting Dongyoung's back as he leaves.

Dongyoung grumbles under his breath, walking up and poking his head around the corner, seeing how empty the floor is. He steps up, winces as the last step creeks and makes his way to the first door— nothing's inside. He thinks his chances of walking in on something are possible but with how barren the floor is, he doubts it. Maybe Sicheng left already, he thinks and it could be a thing. Sicheng is aloof.

He pushes the fourth door open and he's hit with the stench of puke, Sicheng's head in a trash bin absolutely puking his guts out and he frowns. "Sicheng?"

He fails to acknowledge the other person in the room until they speak, "Dons?" His body reacts before he can even think. He thinks _he's_ going to be the one puking soon. There, sitting on the bed soothing Sicheng's back as he's sick, is Yuta. God, Dongyoung hasn't seen him since their high school graduation. His eyes are still the same, he still looks the same but his hair is cut short, still long enough to tuck behind his ears but not long enough to tie up. Dongyoung takes him in, eyes trailing over his features and he can see Yuta doing the same, his hand never stilling on Sicheng's back and then Dongyoung sees how his shirt is open, his pants unbuttoned and it clicks. _Oh_.

"It's good to see you again," Yuta whispers with a smile adorning his face and Dongyoung's heart tugs. _NO!_ Dongyoung smiles back just like graduation night, "Yeah, Kinda unfortunate though with my roommate puking and all." He grimaces as the feeling of being punched in the gut slams into him when his repressed feelings resurface all at once.

Sicheng pulls up for air, puke smeared on his cheek and he smiles up at Dongyoung, "Doie! Time to go?" Dongyoung blinks, moving to get Sicheng and he smiles. "Yeah bud, Taeyong's waiting in the car." He groans at Sicheng's weight and Yuta moves to button his pants fast, standing to ease the weight off Dongyoung. He looks at him, watching Yuta looking back at him like something's clicking for him too. They don't talk about it because they never do but Dongyoung wants to. He wants to drop everything and grab Yuta by the shoulders and demand for answers he’s always wanted. But he doesn't, he just leads them out and to Taeyong.

Taeyong stands up straighter when he spots them coming down the patio, eyes scanning over Yuta and then meeting Donyoung's. "Taeyong." Sicheng singsongs, trying to pull himself forward and Dongyoung nearly falls before Taeyong is rushing forward to let Sicheng cling to him. "Hey baby, come on, let's get you to the car." Taeyong smiles at Yuta, "It's nice to see you're alive, Yuta." Dongyoung winces at the bite in Taeyong’s tone but Yuta doesn’t seem to notice. Or chooses not to say anything.

Dongyoung hopes the daggers in his eyes emanate towards Taeyong but of course, Taeyong doesn't acknowledge it. He is left with his first love standing next to him after having spent years apart. He feels like a kid again, he feels small no matter how broad he is now. 

This feels weird. 

This feels bad. 

And he hates it.

That bad acid reflux feeling in the back of his throat is getting unbearable the longer he stays put. "Uhhhh," he breathes as he turns. The snow crunches under his shoes, wetting the fabric and Yuta pulls his shirt shut, tucking his hair behind his ear. "I'll see you around."

Yuta nods, a timid smile gracing his face."Take care of yourself, Dons."

( _Dongyoung spends the car ride home staring out the window, watching as the snow picks up and Taeyong turns to look back at him. "Want to talk about it?" He asks and Dongyoung shakes his head, pulling a sleeping Sicheng closer for warmth. What's there to talk about? The fact that the only love he's ever had is here, at the same college he's been at for almost two years, so close and he feels like a stranger— yet— Dongyoung feels the warmth in his chest whirling and festering, the love he's had for Yuta all rising up from the corners in his mind that he tucked them into years ago. Seeing Yuta as a man before him and he feels himself falling face-first into the cold, hard ground with no one around to help him up or stop him from choking on his tongue._

_Dongyoung lets himself lay down, lets himself fall and he absolutely resents himself for it. He shuts his eyes and sees Yuta's timid smile from back at the party on the back of his eyelids._

_His heart skips a beat._ )

-

"He's in my rhetoric and composition class. We’ve hooked up a couple of times but he’s just a friend really." Sicheng supplies. He looks up from his phone, peering at Dongyoung in a way he does _not_ appreciate. It’s suffocating."I didn't know you knew each other." Dongyoung looks back down at his phone, staring at the twitter follow request from Yuta staring back at him. He thinks back to his year and it's absolutely weird they haven't crossed paths but also fairly reasonable. Sicheng doesn't talk much about his dance team friends or his friends outside of the mutual friends they have, of course, he'd know people Dongyoung doesn't.

Dongyoung hits the checkmark, ' _Yuta — @nayutaz [follows you]_ ' and he chews the inside of his cheek. Dongyoung locks his phone, "It's kind of complicated. We used to know each other." Sicheng sets his phone down, there's no judgment on his face but Dongyoung feels like he's being sized up. He pushes his glasses back up and diverts his eyes. His mouth feels dry, "I dunno. It just feels odd, ya know? But it's whatever."

Sicheng rubs a knuckle into his eye before picking his phone back up, "Okay." The music to his game starts up again before closes it out, "Whatever I guess."He stands up just like the hairs on the back of Dongyoung’s neck. “Don’t wait up for me.”

Dongyoung watches Sicheng move around the room, “Where are you going?”

“Taeyong invited me over. It’s ‘ _whatever_ ’.” Sicheng shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it.” And the door locks behind him, leaving Dongyoung alone— leaving Dongyoung alone with his dangerous thoughts.

-

The universe is out for blood he concludes when Yuta shows up to their room on Sunday afternoon when Sicheng left him alone to go get food. He's halfway through packing his clothes when he hears the insistent knocking on his door. It's hard to ignore it as much as he tries by turning the volume on his music up. Sicheng _should_ have his keys and half the dorms left the moment they finished their last exams, there's really no reason for anyone to be knocking so urgently. "Listen, if it's not important..." Tongue-tied, Dongyoung's words wisps away with the AC kicking in and Yuta raises his eyebrows, "Bad time?" He jokes and Dongyoung shakes his hand in a vague gesture.

Yuta laughs, honey-dipped and so cozy and Dongyoung's ears go red. He leans against his door. "Sicheng isn't back yet and I'm about to head out." He fiddles with the lock, turning it just to have something to mess with, and Yuta shrugs, "He told me it was chill to wait for him here. Heading back home?"

Dongyoung steps aside, letting Yuta in and he ducks his head. Yuta's probably been in here before he thinks when he sees the ease that Yuta’s movements have as he navigates around. He’s probably been in here with Sicheng when Dongyoung is in class. His stomach turns funnily. _Ugly_. The door clicks shut and he sees Yuta sitting on his bed, feet tucked under himself. "Yeah," Dongyoung swallows hard, "Donghyun and I are heading out soon. Mom's on about the annual winter festival in the city square and she wants us to be there to help with her booth." He awkwardly moves to his closet again, pulling out his jackets and a couple of Donghyun's things he’s been meaning to give back.

The bed creaks under Yuta's weight, "Yeah, my mom mentioned something about your mom's cookie booth. She’s setting up a booth for her book club which is weird. I never thought our moms would be the kind of people with _booths._ " He laughs, tucking his feet under the sheets and he pulls the ladybug pillow pet into his lap. The image is too much and Dongyoung turns back to his closet when Yuta smiles down at it.

The door opens, Sicheng coming in with Donghyun in tow. "He was on his way up," Sicheng says casually as he drops his bags on the desks. Yuta moves to pick at the food and Donghyun watches him like he’s a stranger. His gaze catching Dongyoung’s and Dongyoung waves his hands frantically. Donghyun clears his throat, "Ready?"

Dongyoung gathers his jackets, stuffing them roughly into one of the laundry baskets at the foot of his bed. He stares at the ladybug pillow pet and pulls it down, gently laying it on top before he stands back up. "Now I am." He turns to see Yuta making himself at home on Sicheng's bed, steaming eggroll halfway into his mouth and Yuta hisses in pain. _Impatient_. Dongyoung rolls his eyes— some things never change.

Donghyun grabs a basket, leaving Dongyoung alone and he sighs as he tries to grab his backpack and leave as quietly as possible. With his foot halfway out the door, Yuta speaks again. "Hey, Dons," Dongyoung turns to him. Yuta looks happy, content as he walks towards him. "We should catch up sometime. We'll both be in town next week, we could go to our old favorite, Rocket’s if you're feeling up to it." And there’s sincerity in his voice.

Yuta's a hard book to read, you don't even know what to expect from him but sometimes— a very small chance— he'll wear his heart on his sleeve, open up and as Dongyoung holds Yuta's gaze he knows he means it. It's not a gimmick or something he's saying out of necessity to be kind, Yuta _wants_ to see him and he smiles. "I'd like that." He says breathlessly.

Yuta's smile is like the sunrise, the orange kissing the dark blue hues of the night away, pulling you up and into it, beautiful and enchanting and Dongyoung rides back home with a smile etched into his face.

-

[ **@nayutaz; 9:34 A.M.** ] _hey do you still want to meet up?_

[ **@nayutaz; 9:34 A.M.** ] _i got nothing to do today, burgers on me :p_

[ **@kimdo; 10:45 A.M.** ] _yeah, i’m free,,,_

[ **@nayutaz; 10:45 A.M.** ] _noon sounds good?? i'll pick you up_

Dongyoung pulls his phone down, breathing through his nose deeply to calm his beating heart.

[ **@kimdo; 11:02 A.M.** ] _i'll be ready_

-

Things are different this time around and it really solidifies for Dongyoung now. Lunch is like riding a bike, he fumbles for the better part of the car ride but by the time they're sliding into the very booth they've sat in throughout middle school and the beginning of high school at Rocket’s, it feels like he's slipping back into old habits. It feels like Yuta's never left but things are still brand new, shiny in Dongyoung's heart as Yuta talks about all the integral parts of his life Dongyoung missed. Dongyoung sighs dreamily, at ease and he can accept the nagging part of his brain telling him that Yuta _is_ the love of his life— the nagging part of his brain telling him that feels weird.

He reaches over the table tucking Yuta’s hair behind his ear and Yuta catches his wrist. His smile is almost shy, “You always do that.” Yuta keeps Dongyoung’s hand pressed to his cheek as he says it, “My hair isn’t that long anymore.”

Dongyoung laughs, “Sorry, a force of habit I guess.”

Things are different this time around and it really solidifies for Dongyoung now— sitting in his room with Yuta tugging at his jeans to get them open, their lips moving in sync and with ease together and Yuta moans so unabashedly into his mouth. The sweetest sound ringing in his ears. Yuta had pulled up into his driveway, fully intending on leaving but Dongyoung supplies, "Yeah, everyone's gone right now." He adds with his words trailing off at the end and he doesn't really know why he says it but something so wicked crosses Yuta's face.

Yuta's wicked, wicked in the way he pulls Dongyoung close and wraps himself around him, absolutely trying to devour him while they rut against each other. It's more exciting than the first time. They're home alone and Dongyoung wastes no time pushing Yuta into the mattress, fucking into him with vigor and it feels like heaven on earth— Dongyoung's name leaving Yuta's mouth like a mantra. "Oh, Dongyoung," Yuta gasps, thighs so taunt on Dongyoung's hips and he rolls his hips up, "Fuck!"

Dongyoung will never, _never_ forget the feeling, the best orgasm he's ever had and the softest whimper Yuta lets out echoing off the walls of his childhood bedroom. 

-

It's so easy to slip back into a habit when it comes to Yuta.

Dongyoung finds himself falling into bed with Yuta more times than he can count on both of his hands, sometimes missing a class or two in favor of a quick fuck. But it's Yuta, and Dongyoung feels like he's finally got him back in a strange way. It's less talking, more ' _How far can you bend before you break_ '. A month into the new semester, Dongyoung thinks he's seen Yuta more than his friends. It's just so simple to send a text or get one, responding in seconds and finding himself on Yuta's bed— the pleasure so addictive and ethereal.

Yuta _begs_ for it somedays as he loses himself in the feeling of Dongyoung eating him out, fucking him or fucking down on him. Dongyoung has a good gauge on what makes Yuta tick and he knows it’s mutual, he wears his heart on his sleeve proudly. This is Yuta and he's got no reason to be scared now. But still, they don't talk about it.

But still, it feels weird.

Sometimes Yuta pulls him back into bed, "Stay." He'll lisp against his skin and he does. _Stay_. Another token of his heart falling into Yuta's palm unknowingly like a prize consultation for unlocking another repressed emotion within Dongyoung. It's like clockwork for him and Dongyoung's just along for the inevitable ride. "Okay." Dongyoung somnolently agrees.

-

It's a good set up, Dongyoung justifies. More or less to reassure himself but no one needs to know that. Taeyong only finds out because he's so attentive. It’s like when he had told Taeyong what happened after the homecoming game."Oh, you're fucking Yuta aren't you?" He says over his menu. Dongyoung spits his water back into his cup and god, he's stupid. His fumbling is all the answer Taeyong needs and Taeyong nods slowly. 

"Don't get hurt this time." He cautions with tender eyes. Well-meaning.

Dongyoung frowns, "I'm not going to get hurt."

Taeyong puts down the menu, smoothing it over with his hands. "Okay." He mumbles. Dongyoung scrunches his nose. He’s got nothing to prove to Taeyong, this doesn’t even involve him. This _thing_ he’s got going with Yuta is nothing but a way to relieve stress— same as it was when Taeyong and Taeil invited him into bed. There’s not an expectation or reward required or needed whenever they meet; It's just nice. I mean sure Dongyoung has a lot of emotions swirling around in his head that he can’t articulate but all of it is forgotten and tangled in with Yuta’s bedsheets— the ones that smell like lavender and citrus. 

Taeyong’s words stick with him throughout the week and it isn’t until Yuta texts him early Saturday morning that he truly lets the words hold weight. ‘ _Don’t get hurt this time_ ’ He tells himself. 

-

[ **yuta; 8:17 A.M.** ] _wanna go for breakfast?_

[ **dons; 8:57 A.M.** ] _sure why not i’m up anyways_

[ **yuta; 9:03 A.M.** ] _i’ll pick up in 10 : > _

-

It starts with flimsy breakfast that turns into “ _Hey got out of my comp class early and I'm starving, wanna hang?_ ” twice a week and that turns into, “ _I heard about that hole in the wall place by the jimmy johns, we should go there for dinner!_ ” almost every night for weeks. Sometimes it’s _“I’m cooking this new recipe from Pinterest come over~”_.

Dongyoung doesn’t realize it but Yuta’s wormed his way into every second of his day. When he’s not with Yuta, he’s texting him, thinking about him. When he’s with Yuta, he’s ignoring his phone— his attention is devoted to him and it scares him when he realizes it. Realizing it when he’s wide awake in Yuta’s bed at two in the morning after having dinner together for the fourth night in a row and Yuta’s curled around him as he sleeps peacefully, leg over his hip and nose pressed to his skin. So warm and innocent and he thinks, ‘ _Am I Yuta’s boyfriend?_ ’

Dongyoung doesn’t really know how exclusive they are or how that even works when his experience in an actual relationship can be chucked up to a few things. His two-week boyfriend Qian Kun his freshman year in college but he ultimately transferred ( _not because of Dongyoung just to clarify_ ), a couple of drunken hookups with Ten over the summer, Taeil and Taeyong, and whatever’s going on with Yuta now. His mulls over it, racking his brain for an answer because it sure feels like he’s dating Yuta. The fucking has greatly demised in favor of eating out when they can or eating at Yuta’s, keeping each other company while they work on assignments, face-timing when they can’t meet and Dongyoung sleeping over after minimal coaxing on Yuta’s end. 

Sure they still fuck but it’s not as urgent or dire as before. It’s slow, gentle and Dongyoung takes his time unraveling Yuta. Kissing every inch of skin, tenderness in touches and Yuta looks at him with so much of _something_ more— he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. It’s so encouraging the way Yuta’s fingers curl in his hair to bring him down for an even slower kiss and his free hand pressing delicately on his chest as Dongyoung thrusts against him steadily. It just _feels_ nice having someone pressed against you and holding onto you like a lifeline when they come— come undone by your own doing and your name trickles out of their lips like butter, like runny ice cream on a summer’s day onto your palm and down your wrists. Cool and welcomed. 

“That’s very romantic,” Taeil speaks up as he takes a fry from Dongyoung’s plate. Taeyong nods, “It sounds like you already know the answer to your question.” Dongyoung does but he doesn’t like getting his hopes up. It’s all so very real for him when Yuta greets him with the biggest smile and kisses him sweetly, “Hi babe.” It’s the answer to his question that lies in the way Yuta holds his hand as they walk off-campus to get home and more recently when Yuta meets him outside of his class. His smile wedged into every possible crevice of Dongyoung’s mind. 

Dongyoung swirls his fry in mustard. Taeyong’s cautious words at the forefront of his mind, “I feel like,” He drops his fry. “I’ll get hurt if I put my trust into this blindly. We never talked about, we don’t _ever_ talk about _anything_ and I blame that on me. I never asked questions when I should’ve, I never made that line clear so things are black and white. Everything’s a blur and grey and muddled and I don’t know what he’s thinking. I just know how _I_ feel about him.” 

“Dongyoung,” Taeyong huffs, “You’ve been in love with him for more than half your life. I think he’s the love of your life and you know this, I don’t have to tell you this but, did you ever stop to consider maybe Yuta has felt the same way all this time?” 

Dongyoung’s mouth opens and Taeil holds a hand up, “I haven’t been there for you as long as Taeyong has but from what I can tell, he’s at the very least attached to you and I think that’s a start.” 

Yuta is attached, maybe even views Dongyoung with rose-colored nostalgia glasses because their history is so complicated. It took a month for Dongyoung to detach his view and perception of Yuta from that last time he knew him, they’ve grown up, it’d be stupid to think they were the same as before. The problem is that Dongyoung can’t figure out what’s going on in Yuta’s head. Yuta’s gotten good at not wearing his heart on his sleeve and he’s aloof at times and hard for Dongyoung to read— despite the number of times Yuta wakes up next to him with a smile on his face and he scoots closer, his cold hand under Dongyoung’s shirt and his colder toes digging into his thigh. He’s endearing and he kisses the soft skin of Dongyoung’s shoulder. “‘Morning babe.” He chirps and Dongyoung feels whole. 

“Just ask him.” Taeyong finishes.

-

' _Just ask him'_

As if it was that easy. Dongyoung can't ask Yuta, not blatantly at least. He tries to sway the conversation towards it, albeit it’s not in the best way because Dongyoung just sucks at emoting, but he’s trying. His worst attempt to date is when he tries to bring it up during sex. The words stuck in his throat, bubbling on the tip of his tongue as he lays there— Yuta's mouth on his cock and he whimpers. "Yuta?" He rasps, pushing himself on his elbows to look at him only to divert his graze when Yuta looks up at him. His lips swollen and slick with spunk and Dongyoung's mind shuts off. He groans, toes curling against the sheets and he pushes himself forward, tucking Yuta's hair behind his ear and licking into his mouth.

Yeah... sex isn't the best time to talk about your relationship with your _almost-boyfriend_.

Dongyoung figures he can get away with sweeping it under the rug, forget about it because why would he mess up something that just works. It's not broken. It doesn't need to have a label no matter how much his heart desires it. He can wait— he _will_ wait if it comes to Yuta because at the end of the day he doesn't want to cross a line he doesn't even know exists, scaring Yuta away again and losing him. So it's buried and they don't talk about it. 

Like always. 

It's not addressed.

Yuta's smile holds him over for days, their brief facetime in-between classes or while they study when they can't afford to meet up. The semester comes to an end and Yuta's morning texts of encouragement loom over him, pulling him up as he trugs to his next exam. "We'll get to see each other on Friday. I promise," Yuta whispers, burying his nose further into the sheets and Dongyoung smiles sleepily. His phone propped up on his bedside table and Yuta image fuzzy when he yawns. It's only eight p.m. "You should get some sleep." Dongyoung says, his hand twitching to tuck Yuta's hair behind his ear— his hair getting longer and shaggier just like middle school.

Yuta stretches out, "Don't wanna hang up." He pouts and then laughs at the look Dongyoung gives him. He snuggles up into his bed again, his eyes wide and beautiful and Dongyoung's heart races. "I guess I'll go." Yuta sighs, picking up his phone and the picture goes fuzzy till he settles it down again.

"Goodnight Dons, I love you." All the sincerity and warmth in his tone seeping down into Dongyoung's core along with his sweet smile. 

And the call ends.

-

"He said he loves me," Dongyoung blurts out the moment Taeyong and Sicheng walk up to the table and Taeyong gawks. "That's incredible, Doie! Oh, you must be—"

"And I didn't say it back." Dongyoung flounders, "I mean he just hung up after but the way he said it. The smile on his face." He drops his head on the table, cheek squished into the cold surface as he whines The way he had said it was so loving, so genuine it felt like hot chocolate on Dongyoung’s tongue. _Sweet, cozy, warm_ . The love of his life loves him— _loves him_ — and he didn't get to say it back. Taeyong scrunches his nose, "So you didn't say ‘I love you’ to your boyfriend once. He's not going to break up with you over it."

Dongyoung shoots up, fumbling with his fingers, "You see, he's technically _not_ my boyfriend. Not that I don't want him to be. I want that but **—"**

"You haven't talked to him have you?" It sounds ridiculous hearing it come out of Sicehng’s mouth. Like he’s committed the worst crime imaginable: Failed communication. Sicheng has been a spectator of sorts and Dongyoung feels like if anyone’s had a front-row seat to this mess, it’s him. 

Dongyoung deflates, "I've tried. It's hard."

Taeyong crosses his arms. Dongyoung wilts more at the stern look on Taeyong’s face, the one he’s had the pleasure of seeing more than he likes to let on. He averts his gaze to see Sicheng who’s already tuning their conversation out. “ _It’s none of my business_ .” He had said when Dongyoung prompted the question conversation one late night. Dongoyung remembers how sweaty his palms got and the silence stretching out so impossibly long in the darkness of their room. The sheets rustle on Sicheng’s side of the room, “ _He was just a hookup._ ” Sicheng sighs, “ _Are you okay with it?_ ”

He thinks asking was stupid. Sicheng has always been laissez-faire about many things but Dongyoung doesn’t want to fuck up because Dongyoung fucks up a lot **—** unintentionally, but a lot. "When have you _really_ tried?" Taeyong asks.

"When we cuddle, when we eat, when we walk to class, over text even," Dongyoung looks down, "One time during sex." Sicheng whistles lowly as Taeyong coughs, " _During sex_? Are you crazy?" He's not but it was the only time he could've cornered Yuta about it. In retrospect, talking through relationship issues in a blissful haze would’ve surely ended in disaster.

Taeyong shakes his head, "You're seeing him tomorrow, aren't you?" Dongyoung nods, he's been looking forward to tomorrow. He hasn’t seen Yuta in three weeks and if he could, it’d be so easy for him to state at the top of his lungs on the highest building that he misses Yuta. Taeyong sighs, "Talk to him then. I don't want to see you get hurt."

-

Love works in mysterious ways.

Love cannot be contained or denied. Love is not bound to the laws of gravity on earth and you can try to define it but it does not encapsulate the essence of love. It's beautiful and engulfing and thrilling— addicting even. It's the feeling in the grandest and smallest of gestures. The feeling of swimming and never sinking, weightless and fuzzy, cotton candy dissolving on your tongue sugary sweet. Love knows no bounds, no limitations, no expectations, and Dongyoung feels that is true through and through.

Love settles into his swelling heart, beating rapidly in his chest as Yuta smiles. His eyes filled to the brim with evident adoration towards Dongyoung and it's enchanting like magic. Dongyoung can't look away and he doesn't want to. It's the way Yuta pulls him in when he plays music and they slow dance in his room, Yuta nuzzling into his neck and his breath so soft on his skin, fleeting. Dongyoung's head remains permanently in the clouds.

Dongyoung fumbles over his tongue when he sees Yuta waiting outside of his class, brain mush from his exam and he lets Yuta hold him, his lips tender on his. "You okay, babe?" And Dongyoung pouts, prompting another kiss and he mumbles, "Missed you. Wanna go home." Home with Yuta, in Yuta’s bed. Yuta lets go, leaving a kiss on Dongyoung's cheek before their hands find one another. Dongyoung feels it now— _loved_ — as he flushes bright red, Yuta's hand in his as they walk across campus to the Subway. 

_The talk_ can take the fucking backseat when it comes to Yuta. "I missed you too." He smiles coyly and they're off. It's still fairly early in the day and most exams haven't let out yet but Dongyoung could care less. He just enjoys being in Yuta's company. The silence is welcomed and Dongyoung soaks in the sun, the smell of morning dew on the grass still remanent in the air as the breeze picks up. He doesn't even hear someone calling out Yuta's name until he's bumping into Yuta's shoulder.

Recognition washes over Yuta's face as the person approaches, pulling him into a hug and his hand slips out of Dongyoung's. He blinks, looking down at his hand before putting in his pocket awkwardly. "Jungwoo, hey, how was the exam for you? I didn't stick around long enough to see you leave."

Jungwoo rolls his eyes, "Your notes really helped. It was a piece of cake." He laughs before he finally looks over to Dongyoung. His face flushes, embarrassed as he chuckles awkwardly, "Sorry I didn't see you."

Dongyoung waves him off, "It's no problem."

"I'm Jungwoo, I got comp class with Yuta," Jungwoo says as he moves to shake his hand and Dongyoung takes it. Yuta's hand comes to soothe him before he can respond and he leans into it, hopes he doesn't move it from the small of his back.

"It slipped my mind too." Yuta smiles, "Dongyoung, Jungwoo. Jungwoo, Dongyoung, my boyfriend." And the word echoes around in Dongyoung's mind. It rings in his ear and he hopes he doesn't look as dumb as he feels. Jungwoo's eyes light up with excitement. "Oh my gosh, it's so nice to finally meet you. Sicheng is always teasing Yuta about how he _never_ shuts up about you!"

"Oh really?" Dongyoung squeaks just as Yuta pulls him forward, "Shut up, Jungwoo!" He hisses through his teeth before he smiles innocently at Dongyoung. _His boyfriend_ . Dongyoung is Yuta's boyfriend and Yuta is his and Yuta _never_ shuts up about him. He smiles widely. 

His ears are red and _Yuta is his boyfriend_. 

Yuta says goodbye to Jungwoo hurriedly and...

_Yuta._

_Is._

_His._

_Boyfriend_.

Dongyoung doesn't talk the rest of the way, letting Yuta tug him to Subway because he's been craving it. He doesn't say a word about it as they eat, doesn't bring it up when they walk home or when they take a bath or when they lay down for bed. Dongyoung doesn't want it to be ruined— the glow and fuzzy feeling in his stomach. ' _Dongyoung, My boyfriend_.' Yuta's voice wisps through his head like a mantra, like a prayer and he smiles, tucking himself into Yuta's back and their hands meet over his stomach.

' _Goodnight Dons, I love you'_

_-_

Dongyoung wakes up feeling like he's back in his room that day after he had lost his virginity. There's a thrilling hum coursing through his body as he blinks awake. The warmth on his palm leaves as he rubs a knuckle into his eye and he can hear Yuta groaning behind him, pressing himself further into Dongyoung’s back. His palm splayed over his stomach so gently. Dongyoung hums, “I need to pee.” He whispers, it’s a lie, and Yuta laughs, releasing him. 

Dongyoung catches the way Yuta scrunches his nose and _god, that’s his boyfriend!_ He stops a smile from spreading across his face and shuts the door to the bathroom a little too hard. He huffs, sliding down the back of the door and shakes his head in disbelief. “ _Nakamoto Yuta is my boyfriend and I love him!_ ” Dongyoung wants to shout and he whimpers lowly in his throat. He can hear the bed creak out in the bedroom and he stops to hear, Yuta whining before the sheets still and Yuta sighs. 

He scrambled to stand up and get a good look in the mirror. “You idiot!” He hisses at himself. He’s stupid, he really is. How could he not see all the signs that lead to his answer? He’s practically moved into Yuta’s at this rate— How could he not see!

He sighs dejectedly and slaps water into his skin. He inhaled deeply and opens the door. He leans against the threshold as Yuta lifts the comforter again. “Come back to bed,” He smirks and Dongyoung’s so tempted to run over. But he stays rooted in place, scratching the back of his neck and licking over his teeth. 

“So uhhhhh,” He mumbles, crossing his arms and Yuta’s smile falters at it. Dongyoung’s chest squeezes and he shrugs to play off the tension, “We’re like boyfriends?” _Oh god_ , he sounds like a child. Like a fourth-grader with a crush on someone they’ve shared animal crackers with. 

Yuta eyebrows knit together in confusion, “Huh?” He shakes his head, gesturing and continues, “What do you mean, Dongyoung?” 

“I,” He bites the inside of his cheek, “I was kinda under the assumption we weren’t official yet. I’ve been kinda beating myself up over trying to find the perfect time to ask you about it.” He pushes through.

Yuta’s face softens, “Oh,” He hums softly, “I just thought you were my boyfriend already.” His lips tighten before something clicks. He face falls, “Oh my god, did me telling Jungwoo you were my boyfriend make you uncomfortable? I’m sorry! I just thought—”

Dongyoung shakes his hands, moving quickly to hold Yuta’s face in his hands. “ _No_ ,” He croaks, “I loved it. I love you. I like being your boyfriend. It just made me feel all warm inside.” He pauses. His back taunt and _shit_ , he said it back finally. He gazes back down at Yuta and he’s watching him. He’s breath holds still and Yuta blinks slowly, “You love me?” 

Dongyoung droops, “Since seventh grade.” He confesses, unable to meet Yuta’s eyes. But he can hear the small noise Yuta makes in surprise, “Really? It’s been since ninth grade for me.”

Dongyoung shoots up, “ _Ninth grade_?!” He pulls away and finally drops his hands, musing his hair in disbelief before rubbing his face. Yuta doesn’t move to pull him back and Dongyoung looks at him again, looking so relaxed and content. “You know you’re my first?” Dongyoung says quietly.

Yuta tilts his head, “Do _you_ know you’re _my_ first?” 

Dongyoung squints, “Kiss, love or like _first_ first?”

“All of the above,” Yuta answers, leaning back against the headboard and the bed creaks, Dongyoung’s heart dropping to his ass. 

He can’t believe it. Life has got to be playing some kind of sick game. There’s no way in this world that Yuta’s loves him just as much as Dongyoung loves him. He drops back on the bed, “Well shit.” He scoffs, “I’m an idiot.” 

Taeyong’s voice rings through his ears, “ _Did you ever stop to consider maybe Yuta has felt the same way all this time?_ ” It had sounded so silly when he had said and he knew there was not a chance that Yuta reciprocated his feelings but now, they’re reciprocated tenfold and he feels like he’s suffocating and it feels so good.

Yuta’s face comes into view and hovers over him. “Are you done mulling over things because I’m still kinda horny and I wanna fuck my boyfriend.” It’s so abashed the way he says it and Dongyoung laughs. Yuta smiles back and they meet halfway for a kiss, their bodies pressing into one another. Yuta to so eager to take and Dongyoung so eager to give so much. 

His palms are so hot on Dongyoung’s skin as he hotly huffs against his ear. It’s so easy to let Yuta strip him, his chest fuzzy and warm and loves it. He smooths over Yuta’s chest, tongue so warm in his mouth and he moans. So pliant and willing for him. And if Dongyoung murmurs ‘ _I love you_ ’s as Yuta thrusts into him so steady and hard, he means it and it’s worth the moan Yuta lets out. “I love you, Dongyoung.” Tumbling out of his lips and against his own. His eyes glossed over and the pleasure shooting through every cell in his body. 

Yuta’s skin is so burning out on his and he’s so in love with the feeling. The way Yuta gets desperate and picks up his pace, leaning forward to bury his face in Dongyoung’s neck to suck tender spots along his sensitive skin. _Mine. Mine. Mine_. Yuta’s arms wrapping around him and Dongyoung thrusts his hips up to meet Yuta’s. He can’t think.

Yuta’s slick palm works over his cock and his body winds uptight, fast ‘til he’s coming with a soft “ _Yuta_.” on his lips and it draws Yuta close. He comes, body shaking in Dongyoung’s arms and a dopey smile adorning his face.

( _“You’re so cute when you come, ya know.” Yuta whispers once they’ve cleaned up and settled back into bed. His arms wrapping around him and Dongyoung leans into it subconsciously. Like a moth to light, that’s what Yuta is to Dongyoung._

_“No, I'm not.” Dongyoung groans and he pushes at Yuta’s shoulder weakly. Yuta plays along, leaning back theatrically before coming back up. Dongyoung can see that Yuta looks at him with so much love, unadulterated, unfiltered love and it’s magical— beautiful and all-consuming. He feels his breath run out as he looks away._

_“Yeah, you are. Your nose scrunches up all cute-like,” He says and trails a finger down the slope of Dongyoung’s nose. “And when I put my hands on your chest, I can feel you moaning and trembling.” His finger dragging down to his lips, chin, ticklish on his neck and he settles his open palm on his chest. Yuta laughs when Dongyoung frowns deeply, kissing the pout on his lips away and Dongyoung melts instantly. “It’s very endearing when you look at me like you love me.”_

_“I do love you though.”_

_Yuta smiles, “I know you do.”_ )


End file.
